"I Love You, but I Just Don't Like You Right Now"
At certain times growing up, I heard pastors and teachers say that they felt like their message was directed more at themselves than anyone else. I'm going to start by making a similar claim. This post is directed at myself today as I fight the urge to feel self pity and irritation. The goal is to remind myself how to live out the beauty of the gospel even when my feelings internally whisper selfish desires.
"I love you, but I just don't like you right now."
Have you ever thought or even spoken these words to someone close to you? I admit that this phrase has crossed my mind many times over the course of my life. It has been directed to those closest to me such as my parents, my brother, my husband, and even my two-year-old daughter. (That's low!) What is really at the heart of disliking someone you love, and how can we transform our thinking in moments of dislike?
What is really at the heart of disliking someone you love?
Let's answer this question with another question. What are reasons that bring about this feeling of dislike? Hurt feelings, failed expectations, anger, disappointment, jealousy? Each of these has a common denominator which is a focus on self. "I don't like how that made me feel. I don't like that you did that. That's not what I would have said or done." SELF! These emotions are triggered most when you have an inward focus to an outward life. "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?" (James 4:1) God given emotions are a wonderful thing. They are one of many things that reflects the image of God's character within us and distinguishes us from all other creation. The difference though between our feelings of anger, justice, sadness, jealousy, etc and God's, is that God is perfect and holy in His display of them. Our emotions (outside of the guidance of the Holy Spirit) tend to stem from self-centeredness. When we are able to recognize our selfishness in moments of dislike, we can then take the next step in changing our attitude toward that person.
How can we transform our thinking in moments of dislike?
Ultimately our hearts and minds cannot be transformed without salvation and the indwelling of the Spirit of God. The bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" We have no capability to make good or godly decisions in and of ourselves. "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:1-5) GRACE! Grace is what saved us in our sinful state, grace is what eternally maintains our salvation though we continue to sin, and grace is what allows us to transform our hearts and minds toward others. How can we not extend grace toward those around us, especially those we love the most, when we have been and continue to be shown the ultimate grace of salvation? This understanding should lead us to repentance and praise, and when your eyes are focused on Christ, there is no room for focus on self. The petty circumstantial things of this life quickly lose their importance in the shadow of the cross.
If you are going through a time of tension or strain in a current relationship(s), pray that God will show you the root cause of the problem, and then pray that you will be filled with grace toward that person just as Christ has shown you grace.
Today's Takeaway: "But as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you—see that you excel in this act of grace also." (2 Corinthians 8:7)
"I love you, but I just don't like you right now."
Have you ever thought or even spoken these words to someone close to you? I admit that this phrase has crossed my mind many times over the course of my life. It has been directed to those closest to me such as my parents, my brother, my husband, and even my two-year-old daughter. (That's low!) What is really at the heart of disliking someone you love, and how can we transform our thinking in moments of dislike?
What is really at the heart of disliking someone you love?
Let's answer this question with another question. What are reasons that bring about this feeling of dislike? Hurt feelings, failed expectations, anger, disappointment, jealousy? Each of these has a common denominator which is a focus on self. "I don't like how that made me feel. I don't like that you did that. That's not what I would have said or done." SELF! These emotions are triggered most when you have an inward focus to an outward life. "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?" (James 4:1) God given emotions are a wonderful thing. They are one of many things that reflects the image of God's character within us and distinguishes us from all other creation. The difference though between our feelings of anger, justice, sadness, jealousy, etc and God's, is that God is perfect and holy in His display of them. Our emotions (outside of the guidance of the Holy Spirit) tend to stem from self-centeredness. When we are able to recognize our selfishness in moments of dislike, we can then take the next step in changing our attitude toward that person.
How can we transform our thinking in moments of dislike?
Ultimately our hearts and minds cannot be transformed without salvation and the indwelling of the Spirit of God. The bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" We have no capability to make good or godly decisions in and of ourselves. "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:1-5) GRACE! Grace is what saved us in our sinful state, grace is what eternally maintains our salvation though we continue to sin, and grace is what allows us to transform our hearts and minds toward others. How can we not extend grace toward those around us, especially those we love the most, when we have been and continue to be shown the ultimate grace of salvation? This understanding should lead us to repentance and praise, and when your eyes are focused on Christ, there is no room for focus on self. The petty circumstantial things of this life quickly lose their importance in the shadow of the cross.
If you are going through a time of tension or strain in a current relationship(s), pray that God will show you the root cause of the problem, and then pray that you will be filled with grace toward that person just as Christ has shown you grace.
Today's Takeaway: "But as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you—see that you excel in this act of grace also." (2 Corinthians 8:7)
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