Defining Womanhood

It has been far too long since my last post. A new baby, part-time work, starting a small design business, work around the house, and church related obligations has this girl feeling dazed and confused. Throw in all of the holiday craziness, and I'm officially diagnosing myself as a mental nutcase. At times I feel sad that my husband and I aren't getting to spend much time together, other times I feel overwhelmed at all the responsibilities that seem to be piling up on me, and still other times I feel agitated at people and situations around me during day-to-day activities. Highly emotional? Yep, I'd agree with you there. Do you ever struggle with feeling overwhelmed, stressed, crazy (the list goes on and on)? Well, I was given a helpful new perspective this last Sunday, and hopefully it will be helpful to my fellow crazies out there. I think we can all agree that God is sovereign, meaning that He is good and that nothing is out of His control. With that being said, we ...

Women are notorious for being confusing, and it's no wonder. We say something but mean something else, don't say something which definitely means we're saying something, and say part of something in hopes that the rest will magically be figured out. One word sums this up, expectations! I don't know how many times I've wanted to tell my husband how I feel but think, no way! He is an all powerful mind reader who should know how I'm feeling about this and take the best course of action to make me feel better. "Darling wife, I know you have been with our daughter all day. Please let me spend the evening bathing and rocking her while you put your feet up and relax." "Whitney Dearest, since we have been apart so much this week, let's spend the day together with no distractions." That was a fun little daydream, now back to reality. This is not how it works ladies. There is a word to describe these types of thoughts. Selfish! You heard me right...

Kids are always in a hurry to grow up. They can't wait to drive, go on dates, get a job, get married, etc. While I wanted those things, I have never been in a hurry to get any older. It's a Peter Pan syndrome of sorts, and while I am still young in the grand scheme of life, I have already hit the point where I hate birthdays. I almost cried on the morning of my twentieth birthday because I had to officially say goodbye to my teenage years and hello to a deteriorating life of responsibility, old age, and death. (Hey, I never said I'm not dramatic at times.) At 21, I argued with the eye doctor that I could see just fine and did not need glasses. At 23, I had a bike wreck which took days to recover from instead of hours. At 24, my knees and back began to hurt if would stand for too long. Now at 26, I seem to have lost half of my brain cells and memory after having a baby. I have always been able to do anything I set my mind to, but I can see that as I age things are going to g...

"Forgive and forget", as the old saying goes, is impossible unless you have memory loss. Who really forgets when their friend shares a personal secret, their parent shows neglect or favoritism, their spouse says something hateful....? The list goes on and on. When trust is lost, feelings are hurt, expectations shattered, and hearts are broken it reaches down into deepest emotions and buries itself into our memory. How can we forget and move on then?  I don't think forgetting is the key to forgiving. God knows every sin the each person throughout all eternity has and will commit. Scripture tells us that for those who put their faith in Him, He remembers their sin no more. Do you think He truly just forgets or throws the memory away? Of course not! Alternate wording might say, He is so rich in love, grace, and mercy that He chooses to look past our sin and hold none of it against us. That is what forgiveness is.  The Bible calls us to forgive those who wrong us. Unforgivene...

Most women are quality time people. So much of our emotional and social ties rely on deep and meaningful relationships. These relationships thrive when good quality time is spent together...talking on the phone, talking face to face, talking while taking a walk, talking over coffee, talking while shopping...you catch my drift. Communication is the key that unlocks the "quality" in a woman's quality time. You may have noticed that quality time looks a little different to men...watching a ball game, watching a movie, playing a game, going fishing. I heard this relational difference once explained as woman needing time face to face while men enjoy time side by side.  This difference can cause hurt and loneliness in women if we are not careful. Always remember that God is ever present and longs for us to communicate with Him. Don't place your spouse, friends, or longing for either of those above your relationship with God. Only He can satisfy your heart and bring you the ...

I had the privilege of going out with my mom last night for dinner and a little shopping. As we were finishing up our meal, we began to discuss the danger of discontentment in life's circumstances. It is so easy to find ourselves wishing we could change the past or live in a different present. This ties together a theme that I have discovered in my personal and bible study lately. Self! We like to blame the Devil, our upbringing, current environment, and those around us for our unhappiness, but have you ever stopped to think that you could be your biggest problem? Two areas of self-centeredness that seem to plague women the most are control and insecurity. We like to control the running of our house, our children, spouses, jobs....you name it. This is a result of our sin stemming all the way back to Adam and Eve. " And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16b, NLT) The natural order of authority was not only perverted between...

As I was growing up, I never had much of a verbal filter. Who am I kidding? I still don't have much of a filter. Whatever thought I had, more often critical than kind, would just flow from my mouth. My mom used to tell me, "There's honest and then there's brutally honest. You are brutally honest." Usually my reply would be something similar to, "Oh well." or "I'm just stating the truth." I obviously considered myself a step above all those to whom I frequently criticized. The book of proverbs has a lot to say about foolish people and actions, and many times it is in relationship to our words. Proverbs 18:2 and 29:11 say " A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." " A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." Ouch! I have fallen very short from this counsel. Why is it that harsh or judgmental words can often be the first things that rush to our minds...

Women can often be perceived as crazy when it comes to our emotions. One minute we're happy, the next we are crying. We're joking around around with someone, then we're mad at them. Does this sound familiar? Men have just as many emotions as women, but from recent research I have learned that men can separate mental processing from emotion. This is why the men in your life tend to be so analytical and heartless about information like the neighborhood cat getting run over. Women on the other hand cannot process information without connecting it to past or present emotion. This is why you are rambling on about the injustice of cars and maniac drivers between sobs when telling him the story. Unfortunately being labeled as emotional has become a negative title. It is mostly associated with women acting out of control on some level. God created us in His image. Since God is not in physical form, that means He gave us His characteristics and emotions. Love, anger, jealousy, joy...

Many women can be skeptical about an identity completely found in Christ. Our own failures, fears, doubts, weaknesses, insecurities, and sins tell us that we are undeserving of His love; that we are undeserving to be used by Him and for Him. The scriptural truths about our identity in Christ are not there to make us dwell on our inefficiencies, but to let us know how wonderful God is and to impel us to obedience in Him. Can I love my husband, child, parent, coworker...? Can I trust God with my job, finances, family situation, health...? Can I serve God through...? Many women look at their own strengths and question, "Can God use me?" Only through Christ's blood and righteousness can we live to serve and honor Him. It is a daily battle we face. That is why we must DAILY bring ourselves back to the scriptural truths of our identity or we will become enslaved to fear, distrust, and confusion. What are these scriptural truths? I would like to share four passages with you, b...

Today I would like to let some other voices speak on this issue for me. I have struggled at many periods of my marriage with my role as a wife, and I am yet to be a mother. Society pulls for women to be independent and strong, while the Bible clearly guides us to healthy submission in our marriages and godly counsel in parenting. Through prayer and the leading of God through His word and Spirit, I am beginning to see not only see my identity as a woman in marriage, but am seeing it in a beautiful light. I continue to pray for the same leading as a soon-to-be mother. The following excerpts are from author and speaker Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Pastor John Piper, who spoke at a convention titled, "Voices of the True Woman Movement, a Call to the Counter Revolution" in 2008. I pray that their words would reach into your heart and guide you to a fuller understanding of your identity in marriage and motherhood. Nancy Leigh DeMoss "One of the greatest challenges in our day is ...

Being a single woman can feel very lonely or confusing in our society. People are left to feel inadequate or unlovable if they are single for any amount of time. Before I met my husband, I was single for two years and felt very discouraged at times. This time in life can be hard for young women because it seems that everyone else their age is getting married and having children. Older women also struggle as they see their time for having children drift away or feel the pains of loneliness. Regardless of age, one's self esteem can take a major hit. The questions may begin to arise; What is my identity? Why am I still single? Is there someone out there for me? Take hope! If you are a Christian, you have already found your Soul Mate. Christ is the only One who can fill every void in our lives, and is faithful to never let us down. Earthly marriage is a picture of our spiritual marriage to our Savior. I know for some of you that answer may still seem discouraging. You still long to...

"Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you to judge your neighbor?" (James 4:11-12) I have admitted to those that I know, on more than one occasion, how difficult it can be for me to control what I say. As women, we seem to have an extra hard time holding back our comments and opinions whether good or bad. Our church has been preaching through the book of James for the last several weeks, and the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of my speech more than ever. You might assume that I am referring to the passage in James on "Taming the Tongue", but I was given some new insight from chapter 4 during the service yesterday. The Bible gives us several verses in warning against gossip, slander, and...

I finished reading Philippians this morning and felt drawn to chapter 4. Paul is addressing peace in the life of believers. As women, we seem to struggle with balancing the chaos of life and the peace of Christ. What insights can we take away from Paul's letter to the church in Philippi? My bible breaks the chapter into three sub-headings; Peace with Others, Peace with Self, and Peace with Circumstances. -Peace with Others Here we see Paul mediating a situation where two women have not been getting along. I'm not sure what the issue was, but it would be easy to fill in the blank. There could have been gossip, slander, lying, cheating, false accusations, jealousy, or a number of other issues. These are the types of things that cause disunity among women in today's world and were even in the early church. We know though that when sin looms over us, the peace of God can not also dwell there. Paul calls for the help of a godly individual, who will show no partiality, to step...

In Proverbs 31 we read about a woman who seems to be super-human. She is an awesome wife and mother, seamstress, cook, investor, gardener, laborer, fashion designer, philanthropist, and entrepreneur. She possesses selflessness, strength, dignity, wisdom, kindness, and creativity. Her husband and children praise her and claim that she has surpassed all other women. I don't know about you, but this lady is intimidating to me. I know my own faults and limitations all too well. If this is who we refer to as the Virtuous Woman, then I don't think I stand a chance. Have you ever felt this way? Christian society places a lot of criteria on how a woman should present herself. It can become overwhelming when we begin to compare ourselves to other women or listen to the requirements of those around us. I believe the answer to becoming a virtuous woman lies in verse 30 of Proverbs 31. I love how The Message translation words it: "Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to ...

In order to really look at the role of a godly woman, I think it is only right to start from the beginning. Most anyone you ask would be able to tell you who the first woman was, but I want to dig further than that. -Why was it necessary for God to create a woman instead of another man? -What was the primary role created for Eve and each woman thereafter? -Have these roles changed since the time of Adam? Let's start by looking at the creation of woman in Genesis 2:18, 22-24 (NASB) For the first time in the creation story God says that something is not good. "Then the Lord God said, ' It is not good for the man to be alone ; I will make him a helper suitable for him.' The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, an...

Welcome to the blog Defining Womanhood, though it may be more appropriate for the blogging world to welcome me. The idea of posting to a blog is a new one for me, but I am excited to give it a try. Whether I gain any readers or simply use blogging as a journaling tool, I'm excited to see where this might lead. My goal in this is to grow in personal discipleship and to encourage other women along the way. I find myself in a wonderful position in life right now. I am a 25 year old woman who is married, expecting my first child, have excellent friends and family, two college degrees, a flexible job, and am involved in a biblically sound church. Some might look at my life and say I have achieved the complete package, but positional success is not what I want to be remembered by. My desire is that I would strive for the maturity of godly womanhood. I can fill my mind with knowledge and wisdom given by books, radio programs, and other women, but until I learn how to apply these things da...